Saturday, May 24, 2008

you will not spy with your little eye

... any sign of my nips.

(my mother-in-law might be reading this so I'll apologize in advance for any "mature" content that might make her uncomfortable but I feel very strongly about this and must have my word!!)

I plan to breastfeed. I even intend to breastfeed in public when necessary. But barring any confluence of unfortunate events, my nipples will remain my private property with viewings available by appointment only. At the discretion of the owner - meaning me - naturally. 

(For the record, I do not have a problem with other people doing whatever they need or want to do with their nipples. This is just a personal preference that I feel the need to justify through a blog post.)

Some of you might be thinking, "For shame, Imbecile! Why should you be embarrassed by something so natural and beautiful! You have fallen under the sway of the patriarchy which sexualizes and objectifies your body! Love your nipples, do not hide them!"

I do love my nipples, people. 

Believe me. 

The patriarchy did not sexualize them. Nature did.  

They are number two on my list of favorite erogenous zones. In fact, if the list were graphed based on a range of sensitivity from 1000 - 1, item number one would range around 1000, nipples would be, say, 750, and everything else would fall below the 300 mark. 

And I'm most definitely not ashamed of that! I simply prefer to keep it between me and my husband. 


Wait a minute.

I kinda fucked that up, didn't I? 

First, there's the whole matter of the baby. He's gonna get an long term lease, of a decidedly nonsexual nature, at the top of my nipple guest list.

And then there's you, reading this post.  To whom I have just exposed myself in the figurative sense. 


Watch yourself. 

If I catch you staring, I will smack you.


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