baby specifications

I've been thinking a lot about what I want for our baby ... and what I want in a baby. 

I'm sure that sounds incredibly callous to you but whatever. I mean, this little creature has been pummeling at my insides for months now and my body has dedicated a great deal of time and resources to manufacturing him. Don't I have a right to be invested in the outcome? 

I think it is only natural to imagine a child as fully realized human being who is like us - only better. Maybe he's braver or more dedicated.  A harder worker. More talented or at least more disciplined. Someone with access to all the advantages we did without.  At a bare minimum we might hope to have a kid we like to be around.

And yet most of the time when he's knocking around in there, all I can think is "Who are you? What are you going to be like?"

It wouldn't too hard to make something up, honestly. 

I mean, I do, hear, see stuff and he "reacts." For example, we went to see U2 in 3D at the IMAX. I liked it and he was going nuts throughout the show.  Did that mean he liked it too? Or was he clawing desperately at his prison walls in an attempt to escape? 

Not long after, we saw a free SXSW day show at the French Legation featuring Sons and Daughters, J.Mascis, and Thurston Moore. Another set of performances I thoroughly enjoyed, but Baby didn't have much to say. Was he enthralled and in silent awe? Did he spy through my belly button peephole how the cool kids express their enthusiasm - nary a head nod and absolutely no toe tapping - and decide to follow suit? Or did the day's spring breeze and golden light and my decidedly uncool hip-shaking chair dance lull him to sleep?

Early in the pregnancy, I made a long list of hopes and dreams for him. A recipe of sorts. But as his arrival date gets closer (7 weeks for God's sake!) I've realized that I don't want to be greedy. Right now my greatest wish is that he makes it all the way to D-as-in-"due"-day. 

Beyond that, I think,  "What's essential? What will get him through life with his fair share of joy?" 

And it isn't whether he's an artist or an accountant, friendly or shy, hardworking or lazy. It has nothing to do with how he is as a child or where he ends up as an adult. 

What's essential is what he carries with him from start to finish that will make whoever he is and whatever he does the right thing for him. 

So these are my three hopes for our little boy:

1) A sound body

2) A clear mind

3) An open heart