guy on the street

Various self helpers have lots useless and ridiculous things to say about the fear of failure, like "what part of you wants to fail?" or "what's the payoff for failing?"

My personal favorite, however, goes something like this:

"You're not really afraid of failing. You're afraid of succeeding" (Waggles eyebrows)

Thanks, genius!

If we stay focused on the Zen Imbecile challenge, however, we can see that I can kick this fear right in the ass, and hard. This fear is going down.

Or actually up. Really high.

(because of how hard I will kick it in its ass, see)

I don't even need to open up a can of whoopass on this fear, I can just crack the tab thingy so it hisses a little and this fear will scitter off behind the TV.

The fear of failure is the easiest fear of all for me, Zen Imbecile, to beat with my awesome idiotic powers!

Watch and learn ...

If your greatest fear reflects your greatest desire and your greatest fear is to fail, then your greatest desire is ...

...

(the suspense is palpable)

...

to suceed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you. You're welcome. God bless you, everyone. Hail mary, etc etc.

...

Shit, wait a minute.

I got that all wrong, didn't I? Ryan didn't say that Freud said that our greatest fears were the opposite of our greatest desires. He said they were actually our greatest desires. Hmmm.

So maybe those boneheads are right and if we're afraid of failing, it is because we're actually afraid of succeeding?? Or maybe Freud is the bonehead?

I used to be afraid of failure myself as a matter of fact. When you feel that way, you have a hard time believing that it is possible to not be afraid of it. I mean ... make note, boneheads ... who wants to fail?? Who wants to feel the dissappointment and shame that goes along with getting it wrong? Sometimes it is easier to kick back in your easy chair or sofa or the floor in front of your TV (this is where I did it) and fantasize about success than it is to try anything and risk screwing it up.

Plus it all happens alot faster that way. In your head, you can go from poverty-stricken yahoo to fabulous wo/man-about-town in about half a minute in a montage scored by John Williams.

You're on a street and a guy spots you in distance. He grabs your arm. You jerk away. He says "Please! This is important. I believe in you!!" You find yourself in a cab with him, then in a limousine, then at a series of parties and personal appearances. You gesture meaningfully and the room explodes into applause. Your name is in lights, in print, in HTML. The scene closes with you at a podium, holding an honorary degree and taking questions from the audience, blinking at the stage lights and bursts of flash bulbs.

All while you're relaxing in the comfort of your own living room. Kinda like watching a movie but better because it's you!

But when it is time to take a real step toward what you want, the same guy on the street in your head bumps into you and doesn't apologize. Or elbows his friend and whispers something that makes the friend laugh but the guy just glares at you and curls his lip ever so slightly.

So maybe you go do this thing, this real step toward what you want, but you do it with your shoulders up around your ears or your head ducked ever so slightly as if you're saying "I know this is kinda stupid and it probably won't even work but ... "

Or maybe you think to yourself, "I'm not ready yet." and you go back home again.

And then you let the guy on the street in your head and his friend beat you with tree branches for being such a chicken.

Have I completely lost track of my point?

Does anybody actually want to fail? No. In this case, Freud's theory is utter crap, methinks.

But does anybody want to not try? Absolutely. If you try, you have to face reality which is completely unpredictable.

But if you don't try, you only have to face the all the guys on the streets in your head and they will do whatever you want them to.

(I have more inane ranting to do on this subject. Tune in next week. Thank you, clare jane for the inspiration; your Zen Imbecile Challenge Winner's Circle certificate will arrive in the mail shortly.)