whaaaa?

It has been almost a year since the BBB* was born.

Yesterday, we were at the swimming pool and I was reminiscing about the days leading up to his birth. I'd go to the pool just to get a little relief from gravity. I remembered the ache and the swell, the feeling of bursting at my seams both physically and emotionally. Such discomfort!

Then the strangest thought occurred to me:

"This hasn't been that hard. It has just been a year. A year of struggles but nothing insurmountable. Obviously, since we're here in the pool with a laughing baby in our arms."

And then I shared that thought with my husband and we both cackled at the absurdity of it.

*BBB is our new, more socially acceptable substitute for "bubba." It is prounounced "buhbuhbuh."

When ashamed of evidence of your country-bumpkin antecedents, add a syllable. It works every time!

... you haven't been paying attention

By the way, anybody like us who, prior to this mess, did "everything" right should be at least as appalled by what happened on Wall Street as they are about what happened on Main Street.

If anything, I have more sympathy for people with mortgage troubles.

I know why we did "everything" right: we were raised by at least one parent who taught us how to do it. But many people didn't have any such luck.

But investment bankers - people with advanced fucking degrees in economics or business or law - don't have any fucking excuse.

the biggest losers

Who are the biggest losers in the WEDSGD?

And by losers, I mean the "big L bouncing off their foreheads" kind, not the "bereft of their funds and possessions" kind.

Is it really the homeowners who got loans bigger than they could afford? The people who are going to need a $75 billion bailout?

Or is it the investment banks who got loans - on Wall Street they call it "leverage" - bigger than they could afford, to the tune of a $800 billion bailout?

Give me a fucking break, you finger waggers. All those people who got those bad loans were at best being duped by mortgage brokers they thought they could trust and at worst were following your fucking lead.

And ***YOU*** were making money off of them.

Fuck you.

(And also fuck you to the media and the left/moderates for not pointing that out more often.)

25 businesses likely to thrive during the WEDSGD

1. car repair shops

2. shoe repair shops

3. dollar stores

4. comfort food purveyors

5. career advice specialists

6. resume writing services

7. movie theaters

8. strip joints

9. pornographers

10. libraries (if they could be for profit)

11. book stores

12. thrift stores

13. check cashing & payday loan places

14. pawn shops

15. knock off purveyors

16. outlet stores

17. fences (not the wooden kind)

18. cigarette companies

19. lottery vendors

20. gum manufacturers

21. con men

22. lawyers for investment bankers

23. providers of cheap indulgences

I'm trying to think of some good examples. This would be things that seem luxurious, help the person feel spoiled, but actually don't cost very much. Like cupcakes. I imagine that the cupcake business will continue to thrive.

24. ghost busters

25. underwear

25 things to do during the WEDSGD

(WEDSGD = Worst Economic Downturn Since the Great Depression)


If you still have a job:

1. feel superior for seeing it coming "a mile away"
2. assign blame
3. consider whether we're permanently or only temporarily fucked
4. rent as many post-apocalyptic films as possible looking for survival tips
5. make a list of businesses that will thrive during a downturn
6. get angry that you can't get a loan to start one
7. assign blame
8. shop at the dollar store
9. fantasize about what you'll do with your money when the WEDSGD is over
10. fantasize about how much money you could make in the stock market if you can only get in just as things are starting their upward swing.
11. consider whether we are only temporarily or permanently fucked
12. fantasize about all the things you'll with your free time do when you get laid of
13. make lists of 25 things (tune in tomorrow ...)

If you lose your job:

1. panic
2. scramble
3. cut back
4. give up
5. set up a clothesline in your backyard, buy a prairie dress or overalls at thrift store, and pretend like you live in olden times.
6. go to the library a lot
7. ride your bike places for fun and exercise
8. find new music on Pandora
9. make some sandwiches and have a picnic in the park
10. people watch
11. take up a cheap hobby like writing or drawing or photography (hooray for digital cameras) or gluing stuff to other stuff
12. meditate (but don't hold your breath)

mixing a metaphor

According to a co-worker, the squeaky wheel is the one who really stirs the pot.

A pot full of metaphors, apparently ...

good company

I don't have the standard anxiety dreams. My teeth don't fall out. I'm never naked ... except,  you know, when it makes sense. 

My anxiety dream is always the same. I'm in a broken elevator. It isn't hung well and it is swinging from side to side. And it turns out that Charlie Kaufman, who I think is an absolute genius, told Terry Gross that he has the same recurring dream!

on the positive side

Boy, there's nothing like a good international economic crisis for helping a mom like me take that baby weight off!

I know some folks turn toward comfort eating in times like these. But not me! My stomache clenches up and the food just can't fit.