Monday, May 07, 2007

eureka springs revisited

Ah ha!


All is clear!!!

(If I keep writing things like this, this, and this, will I eventually stop searching for "clarity" and be content? Or at least, maybe I'll stop leaping out of my bathtub and running naked through the streets.)


You know what's funny?

(Sturge says: Jokes?


Well, yes.

Hopefully, anyways.

But in this instance, no.)

What's funny is I wrote the first part of this yesterday and now I can't remember what I eureka'd.

Oh wait ...


The Five Stages of Grief

That's it!

Career-wise, I've been working my way through the five stages of professional grief!!

Here they are, adapted from Business Balls.


Stage 1: Denial
Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned.

In the Denial stage of our career, our job is mostly make believe. Or at least, we actually have the job but because it is intolerable to us, we pretend like it is make believe. We wear suits and take copious notes but we believe that when the sun goes down Mom will call us inside and feed us popsicles. We also have the other truly make believe job (or jobs) in our heads. The ones we really want to have which typically are some variation on "famous" or "influential."

Further wisdom from Business Balls: It's a defence mechanism and perfectly natural.


Stage 2: Anger
Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them. Knowing this helps keep detached and non-judgemental when experiencing the anger of someone who is very upset.

See the rest of this blog for examples, most recently this one.

Stage 3: Bargaining
Traditionally the bargaining stage for people facing death can involve attempting to bargain with whatever God the person believes in. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example "Can we still be friends?.." when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it's a matter of life or death.

This is where we say to ourselves: "At least the money and benefits are good." or "At least the benefits are good." or "At least I have a job." Or "at least there are ten things I love about you."

Stage 4: Depression
Also referred to as preparatory grieving. In a way it's the dress rehearsal or the practice run for the 'aftermath' although this stage means different things depending on whom it involves. It's a sort of acceptance with emotional attachment.

Good ole Stage 4. Here I am. Despite the fact that I:

* Can barely bring myself to get out of bed in the morning
* Stare listlessly at the computer screen without understanding what's in front of me
* Don't hear half the words my co-workers say
* Panic at the thought of staying here for another six months much less the rest of my life

I'm glad to be in Stage 4 after all these years.


Depression sucks, unless you can see your way around it to ...

Stage 5: Acceptance
Again this stage definitely varies according to the person's situation, although broadly it is an indication that there is some emotional detachment and objectivity.

Are you thinking: "Don't accept! Your life doesn't have to be like this!! You can have the job you really want!!! Don't detach!!!! There's nothing wrong with wanting more out of your career!!!!!"

If so, I love you for worrying about me.

(Although I love you even if you're not worried about me. I mean, if I already love you, that is.)

But don't. I'm OK.

And acceptance is not the same as complacency.

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Blogger The Fire Next Time said...

And more often than not, the 5 steps get all jumbled up and don't go in a neat, sequential order, and people usually regress a stage or 2 before they truly move on. And some people never move on, and get bogged down in certain stages, and lastly, some people never achieve Acceptance. Denial is also known as "magical thinking," as in, I can't throw away my dead husband's shoes, because when he comes back, he'll need them, and if I throw them away, he won't come back. I'm trying to think of an apt metaphor for your situation, but they all sound vaguely insulting, and none are very clever, so I'll let you conjure up your own magical thinking.

I love you. I hate your job, and I hate your misery.

In the immortal words of Irene Cara, take your passion; make it happen.

3:44 PM


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